Everything in this part of the toolbox needs to be read and all the tasks completed before you come to the in-person workshop with Fiona’s team. If you need help, we suggest you talk to your line manager or drop Fiona an email [email protected]
Assertiveness is one of the single most effective characteristics you can acquire in your working life. You are more likely to get what you want in half the time and without treading on everyone’s toes in the process.
Assertive behaviour is the ability to communicate your own thoughts and wishes in a clear, direct and non-aggressive way. It’s about knowing where you stand and communicating from this starting point.
With life’s experiences and knocks, we pick up all sorts of behaviour patterns – good and bad – that make us who we are. We end up assuming bad traits are part of our true self when in fact, they’re not. Just as it’s not good to be aggressive, it’s not good to let people take advantage of you. The answer in an age where people are increasingly resorting to bullying is to be assertive. This is directly related to the work we have done on Transactional Analysis earlier in the programme.
Being more assertive will raise your self-esteem and give you the confidence to resist bully tactics and emotional blackmail without resorting to aggression. People who develop good communication skills are able to diffuse difficult situations. Naturally, this will help in your personal relationships too. Far from being more difficult to deal with, being assertive will make you easier to deal with, because people will know where they stand with you. Assertive behaviour also promotes a positive response in others.
Here are the positive ways that assertiveness is beneficial – both to yourself and those who come into contact with you:
- You are taking control of both your life and its individual activities
- Others respect you – and you have a high level of self-respect
- It allows and encourages others to respond assertively to you
- You demonstrate the respect you have for others
- There’s less likelihood of conflict, anger or aggression being a disruptive factor in your life
- You develop a high level of self-esteem: your aim is to live up to the standards you set for yourself rather than trying to guess and work to other people’s expectations of you
- You allow other people to be in control of their lives. You give them room to manoeuvre in awkward situations
Bestselling author Susan Scott has been working as a leadership development architect for more than two decades. She is the founder of Fierce, Inc., a global training company that helps Global 1000 companies generate significant results by transforming the conversations central to their success. Listen to her talk about her concept of ‘Fierce Conversations’.
Listen to Susan Scott talking about how the conversations we have with people are directly related to the quality of the relationship.
INTRODUCING TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
Listen to Fiona talking about Transactional Analysis
Transactional Analysis is a framework that can help us to be more assertive and effective in our communication whether this is at home or at work. It makes sense in the context of the work that we are doing because it is connected to the development of values and behaviours and how these show up. As a framework, it helps us to identify helpful and unhelpful patterns and to make change to improve communication and the relationship.
We all have communication preferences; these have been developed over time since we were small and have been impacted by parents and parental figures, our feelings and emotions and what we have learned as we have grown and developed.
Eric Berne created a framework that helps explain these patterns, when and where they are helpful and when and where they can get in the way for us.
Understanding our preferences and those of others can help us to respond rather than to react and to be considered about what and how we say things, especially in high-stakes situations.
COMMUNICATION WORK TO COMPLETE BEFORE THE IN-PERSON WORKSHOP 2
Download and complete the questionnaire by pressing the tab below. Complete to page 5. Go with your gut there are no right and wrong answers. Print your results and bring them with you to the workshop.
Think about helpful and unhelpful patterns of communication you have with people and how you could change these.
To think about how this relates to NHS Supply Chain’s Values and Behaviours download and read the handout Assertive Conversations and Values.